Friday, June 10, 2011


it's said that 'everyone's chemo treatment is different'...

mmmmmmmmmm so I don't know really how to compare it?

so here is my raw truth right now...

My sweet Mama was able to come in from Wyoming to sit with me -read to me--

and journal each day...

this was her first entry:

"15 hrs after chemo hits---excruciating pain

skin hurts - chills- joints ache- teeth/jaw hurt ..."

writing on and on each day until she had to go home (2 days ago and HOW I MISS HER!!)

- almost like the chemo poison was moving around to each and every part be it a good part or a bad part to attack!

Today-- being several days from treatment, I'm exhausted and the incisions from the hysterectomy (4-22) feel raw and freshly cut on the inside? somewhat healed on the outside?

My hair is still on? wondering when it'll come falling out?

My strength is Jesus' name... I couldn't do it without calling out to him and finding the peace only He can give.

I've never cried so much in all my life... unfortunately haven't had a day without it... being sent into menopause in about 5 minutes, the hot flashes are really quite bizarre and make me feel on fire! the emotions fluxuate wildly.

I'm praying for a bubble of grace to protect my kids-- each one of them-- as they see me suffer and melt down so much. Each respond differently to me. My constant rock - my hubs- is the best and calm me down-I pray for his strength to keep up-oh how I love him.

I wonder why the summer 2011 has this journey laid out? Will we ever feel 'normal' again?

I wonder why ALL of this right after bringing our Samson Jude home?

He lost his birth mother... makes me wonder if he'll lose me too?

I must choose:

panic or peace

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you." Jn 14 27


  1. Sallee I think about you and pray for you everyday. I am so sorry you are having to go through this and I wish so much that I could do something more for you.

  2. Praying for you daily Sallee...

  3. My heart goes out to you.
    Keep that PEACE and God is with you all the way! And so are many prayers,Gidget

  4. Your raw honesty is so encouraging. Thank you for sharing your journey and thoughts.... Praying for you, your sweet kiddos, and your hubby.

  5. Sallee, last May I contacted you for a donation for a family adopting from China-The Rippees- You were one of the first people to get back to me with a donation for one of their fund raisers! Even though you didn't know me OR The Rippees. It was so uplifting to have your support!! And that fundraiser kicked off several more ... and just last week The Rippee's announced a huge gift that will nearly bring their daughter "home" Thank you so much for being a part of that adoption story!--Now, one year later--oh my, to know you are going through SO MUCH! And so soon after bringing home your son! I will be praying for you! And I do hope that you will have the energy and creative notion to sew! You are so talented and such a light. God's strength be with you through this!

  6. Sallee, I pray for you everyday. Here's one of my favorite verses (Isaiah 41:10) that help me in difficult times.

    Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
    Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
    I will strengthen you and help you.
    I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

    Blessings and courage,

  7. Sallee,
    You and your family are in our daily prayers.

  8. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
    Jeremiah 29:11

    Sallee, I'm in tears reading about this dark valley you are walking thru. I've sat here for some time without words. I keep looking at that adorable little girl on your sidebar...dressed in pink... with her hands raised up to Him and the words "Praying for God's healing for hope". You are not alone in this valley. Keep believing that you WILL get thru this...and you WILL continue to be Samson's mommy... because that is what "hope" is.

    What a blessing that your mom was there to help you thru. I hope she is able to come back and visit you soon.

    Love and blessings,

  9. Oh Sallee! I miss you and am praying for you each day..i have no words but to say thank you for this amazingly honest post...My heart is broken for what you are going through, kristi

  10. Precious Sallee, you are SO loved.We just pray for you all the time sweet sister! As I read your last comment on the post about Samson's mother, I was reminded of, (John 10:10) "The thief comes only to take the sheep and to put them to death: he comes for their destruction: I have come so that they may have life and have it in greater measure."The one who is greater is in you, Sallee...and He loves you...and He is willing to heal. (Jeremiah 30:17) "For I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds,"say the Lord. He also pulls down every evil assignment and stronghold against you and your family so what happened to Sampson's Mama will not naturally come to you too--it would have to cross over the threshold of Jesus' blood first to get to you--you are safe, you are hidden, under the refuge "of His wings". Rest, as He knits you back together...You are loved...Love, GG