a letter from Montie

This Christmas, 2012, I reflect back upon the year, a year that has been marked with suffering.
Not that there has not been good times, I am a very blessed man.
I have six great kids and they bring great joy in my life.
I know they have kept me going, at times when I thought I could do no more.
But most of all, I have the greatest wife in the world. She is my best friend and knows me only second to my God.
At times I search for good out of all that we have been through.
First I see that it has brought us closer as a family. We have been forced to pull together and hold one another up. Though we all deal with Sallee's sickness differently, it all comes down to a single thing. You are forced to ask the question; why. Why did this happy? Why did God allow this?
I know God loves me and my family.
And its okay to ask God why.
I believe suffering is a mystery, at least to me, not to God. He has allowed it and He has a purpose. There will be answers one day, I am sure of that.
But for now we trust.
One great blessing that has come from all of this, is the opportunity to love my wife in a way that not many have the chance to.
Through caring and comforting her as we walk through this together.
If marriage is a picture God has given us of Christ, and His relationship with His people, then I can see a glimpse into the answer.
We as His people, are suffering through the plague of sin. Christ, through His great love for us, came this Christmas day, to one day heal us completely from this dreaded disease.
Though we suffer now, He is there to comfort us. Not always with answers, but the very giving of Himself.
All of Himself.
Nothing held back.
I want to thank all of you for your continued prayers and support. We are blessed to have all of you as part of our family.
Sallee continues chemo. Next treatment, next part of January.
Merry Christmas,
Montie

our family photo in october

Autumn is brilliant with color and cooler days...

Everyone has their place to 'go' now as the kids are in school .

I'm still taking chemo and have one more treatment

then the MRI on Nov. 13.

Of course we're praying for good news ... and will let you know ....

Enjoy your family ~ love on them ~ laugh ~ take one day a time~

blessings to you

life as of lately...end of summer

Our summer ended with a week long vacation at the beach. It was time we needed to get away from everything as a family. Staying at Montie's parents' cottage right by the ocean, it was relaxing, or as relaxing as we could make it. Six kids doesn't exactly mean peace and quiet..... but still, in its own way, that vacation gave us time to breathe and do nothing strenuous. Besides, who couldn't use a bit of sand and sunshine?

All three littles are in school now....no more home-schooling for now... We've gotten into the morning routine of breakfast, brushing teeth, getting dressed. With backpacks towering over their little figures, they walk into school. Excitement and enthusiasm describe their attitudes toward the whole idea. Esther and Solomon both jump on their homework and think its the best thing ever. Samson is enjoying pre-school on Tues/Thurs....Gabe is a freshman.. (where has the time gone?!). Though a little less excited about the work, he is happy to be back with friends. Adeline and Madison will start their college courses in the spring. This semester off will give them a little time to sort out exactly what classes they want to take. afterall, there's no rush. They are a tremendous help to me as we continue this journey....

I'm on another twelve weeks of treatment. The chemo this time is of a different kind, hopefully less harsh on me. My doctor's main concern for me now is the quality of life. Being able to spend time with family, not being in bed all the time, ...that's what matters now. The cancer has spread to my liver and so we pray daily for a miracle. Because of the type of cancer I have, my doctor says that I'll probably battle it to the end. We try to remember to live each day as if its our last, take every moment as it comes.

And so, that's about it. Hoping this post finds you well and happy.

...to catch up...

"God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble..." Ps. 46:1

My Mom read this verse to me yesterday... do I believe it? ... I falter many times, but know without a doubt that it is God who gets me through this trouble called cancer.

... chemo is VERY rough this time and knocks me back in the bed... BUT my results from the MRI taken on Monday(May 7)  shows that it has knocked the cancer back 25% !

...I'm on another 9 week cycle of chemo followed by another MRI praying it's knocked back further ~ gone preferably! ~ operable or more chemo.... I'm forced to take ONE day at a time, or my mind can't take it.

My family~friends have been amazing as they are on this journey with me ~ couldn't do it without them! Thank you for your prayers...

I still have my hair! and it's curly and all colors of the 'platinum' scale! I prayed I'd have hair for these events! Yes- the little things in life matter :)  We look forward to the end of the school year events with the major one being GRADUATION! Yes! Adeline and Madison will graduate on June 2nd! I've been their main teacher all 12 years and YEAH for the end! Dance recitals ~ family coming in ~ and summer sunshine!

22 YEARS Today!!

...March 10th is the day we married 22 years ago. I am so blessed to have Montie as my husband...

... am feeling the effects of chemo ~ had my first treatment on the 8th... so thankful to have my best friend by my side.

Postponed....

"...not the news we wanted, but we will continue to fight this.." what my sweet Montie said after the doctor told us the report.

Monday morning my surgery was halted so the doctors could see by camera (scope)... They found that the cancer is too far advanced to be able to remove it all without chemo first. So they put in port and will start an agressive chemo regimine very soon.

my faithful friend Beth wanted me to post this too...love you Beth!

http://www.takethemameal.com/meals.php?t=RGRM0412

Surgery Scheduled...

Monday ~ February 27th ~ 9 am

a million emotions ...trying to stay focused on today...

Isaiah 43:1-3

"But now, this is what the LORD says -- he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you: I have summoned you by name; you are mine"."

Isaiah 41:15-17

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them."

The Lord is my Shepherd...

Yesterday we received confirmation that there are 2 spots of cancer showing up on the PET scan... cervical and liver...

My 'case' will be presented by my doctor to a 'tumor board' on Thusday morning -Feb. 9th- this is a panel of specialized doctors to gather together to find the best plan for taking care of this....

We all are managing time...sometimes very strong... other times questioning why and crying for answers.....................Thank you for your prayers!

"The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You annoint my head with oil; My cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." Psalm 23

...the cancer is back...

just got word today that the biopsies were + for cancer cells...

please pray

2012 !!

Wow, where to begin! Its been quite a while since I've posted...last year, to be exact. This is just a short update on how things are going around here....

Life is hard right now... My husband is the most wonderful man in the world, works hard and loves endlessly. The kids are all doing well, keeping up with schoolwork and laughing lots. Honestly, sometimes we sit stuck at the dinner table with six giggling children. As for me, well, its been a struggle. Cancer just wrecked my 'planned' life...
I'm still adjusting to the hormone changes(lack of that is) and trying to get back into the swing of a cancer-free schedule. I'm having trouble with swelling in my left leg and my feet! the bottoms of my feet !! Some days are harder than others. There are the moments when I simply want to give up, when I think I can't take it anymore. Crying is my most constant emotion these days. I'm on some kind of rollercoaster in my mind...making me weary. I'm sad and don't know why? depressed-but what about?

I have to constantly remind myself that life is precious. A good friend told me, "if you wake up in the morning and are breathing, today has a purpose". I'll admit the fear of cancer returning to my body - is terrifying. Its easy to let anxiousness build up inside, let it consume my thoughts and somewhat control on how I live out everyday life. However... Life can't be put on hold because of fear and worry. "Which of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life's span?" Jesus asked this in Luke 12:25. Its plainly stated, so why do I do it? God is always and forever in control of all and He promises never to give us anything we cannot handle. Sometimes I just want to see the BIG picture... but then that exposes my lack of trust.

I will go back for my 3 month check-up later this month... that floods me with a multitude of emotion...Praying for good words as life moves on...