Wednesday, June 29, 2011

my little snuggle bug...

life continues... had 2nd chemo treatment... still as mean with the pain as the first... Montie got a hammock for Fathers Day and we put it on the front porch as 'my second bed'...........sometimes one of the littles will decide for a snuggle.
I have so many questions... so many thoughts... maybe one day write it all down... but right now get through moment by moment.
Thank you all for your encouragement, cards, support $, food, and love sent. We are truly grateful.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Steps in this journey

"I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me"

had to chant this in my head while Connie cut it off so as to hold my composure a bit...

Monday, June 13, 2011

Turn a crappy day into a 'scrappy poppy dip auction ' day...

Teeny tiny moments appear lately that I need to just do my norm~ even through all this upsidedown life and pain

So we'll see who's watching and might win a poppy dip auction... a 'scrappy' meaning all parts different! Even though the POPPY DIP tag is suppose to be worn in front, it really doesn't matter as Esther likes to wear her scrappies differntly each time!!

these are new made with love and made with remembering how much I loved sewing in waiting for our Samson to come home.... Now he's home and not a penny to spare after the long journey of his adoption... life is beyond upsidedown with cancer invading our world. So Every penny from this auction ( and maybe? more to come) will surley help the growing stack of medical bills...

Contact me if you'd like to bid...
bids will start at $20 and go by $5 incriments... Hit contact at the top...
Auction will end after my littles go to bed-- about 8pm BOTH SOLD! thanks!! scrappy poppy dip in owls - bubblegum tad dot - dots ---size 24 mo
FINAL bid $ 40--- SOLD!! thank you

scrappy poppy dip owls - retro zig zags - candy ta dot --size 4 final bid $40 THank you!!

keep watch... I do have some more scrappys going... not sure when they'll be done... little by little :)

Friday, June 10, 2011


it's said that 'everyone's chemo treatment is different'...

mmmmmmmmmm so I don't know really how to compare it?

so here is my raw truth right now...

My sweet Mama was able to come in from Wyoming to sit with me -read to me--

and journal each day...

this was her first entry:

"15 hrs after chemo hits---excruciating pain

skin hurts - chills- joints ache- teeth/jaw hurt ..."

writing on and on each day until she had to go home (2 days ago and HOW I MISS HER!!)

- almost like the chemo poison was moving around to each and every part be it a good part or a bad part to attack!

Today-- being several days from treatment, I'm exhausted and the incisions from the hysterectomy (4-22) feel raw and freshly cut on the inside? somewhat healed on the outside?

My hair is still on? wondering when it'll come falling out?

My strength is Jesus' name... I couldn't do it without calling out to him and finding the peace only He can give.

I've never cried so much in all my life... unfortunately haven't had a day without it... being sent into menopause in about 5 minutes, the hot flashes are really quite bizarre and make me feel on fire! the emotions fluxuate wildly.

I'm praying for a bubble of grace to protect my kids-- each one of them-- as they see me suffer and melt down so much. Each respond differently to me. My constant rock - my hubs- is the best and calm me down-I pray for his strength to keep up-oh how I love him.

I wonder why the summer 2011 has this journey laid out? Will we ever feel 'normal' again?

I wonder why ALL of this right after bringing our Samson Jude home?

He lost his birth mother... makes me wonder if he'll lose me too?

I must choose:

panic or peace

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you." Jn 14 27

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

ports and things

the 'port' is in ... making the access easier for each chemo treatment... I'm scheduled 6 -- one every 3 weeks-- First one tomorrow in Nashville... I'm a bit scared --I guess the unknown? Thank you for your prayers

Gabe is still in the hospital (here in Columbia) and they won't let me visit him because of the 'germ' issue... makes me sad... but we do chat on the phone... He has to stay one more day as a precaution as he had so much inflamation around the 'now removed' appendix.... He sounds good...wish I could see him...

This journey is really 'growing' our family in so many ways. We are learning to trust and lean on Jesus even more... we also have to watch our tone and words as we all seem on 'edge'--just to be honest with ya!

I did sew if you can believe it? it helped to detour my mind a bit... not sure when I'll get them posted just 2 dresses so far... will probably do them as an auction... maybe I'll hit a 'new normal' during these chemo weeks? Funny how ya think you're done fund-raising ?!... as the Lord provided such wonderful POPPY DIP supporters that helped us to bring home our little Samson Jude!!... and then I thought I'd continue to sew for the 'post adoption' costs and with intentions of being able to help others on their journey of adoption.... never dreaming cancer-unexpected costs would come into life...

Please pray for my first treatment on Thursday... and thank you so much as the journey of life continues with it's new twists and turns...