it's poppy dip- the blog

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Steps in this journey

"I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me"

had to chant this in my head while Connie cut it off so as to hold my composure a bit...

Monday, June 13, 2011

Turn a crappy day into a 'scrappy poppy dip auction ' day...

Teeny tiny moments appear lately that I need to just do my norm~ even through all this upsidedown life and pain

So we'll see who's watching and might win a poppy dip auction... a 'scrappy' meaning all parts different! Even though the POPPY DIP tag is suppose to be worn in front, it really doesn't matter as Esther likes to wear her scrappies differntly each time!!

these are new made with love and made with remembering how much I loved sewing in waiting for our Samson to come home.... Now he's home and not a penny to spare after the long journey of his adoption... life is beyond upsidedown with cancer invading our world. So Every penny from this auction ( and maybe? more to come) will surley help the growing stack of medical bills...

Contact me if you'd like to bid...
bids will start at $20 and go by $5 incriments... Hit contact at the top...
Auction will end after my littles go to bed-- about 8pm BOTH SOLD! thanks!! scrappy poppy dip in owls - bubblegum tad dot - dots ---size 24 mo
FINAL bid $ 40--- SOLD!! thank you

scrappy poppy dip owls - retro zig zags - candy ta dot --size 4 final bid $40 THank you!!

keep watch... I do have some more scrappys going... not sure when they'll be done... little by little :)

Friday, June 10, 2011

Chemo...

it's said that 'everyone's chemo treatment is different'...

mmmmmmmmmm so I don't know really how to compare it?

so here is my raw truth right now...

My sweet Mama was able to come in from Wyoming to sit with me -read to me--

and journal each day...

this was her first entry:

"15 hrs after chemo hits---excruciating pain

skin hurts - chills- joints ache- teeth/jaw hurt ..."

writing on and on each day until she had to go home (2 days ago and HOW I MISS HER!!)

- almost like the chemo poison was moving around to each and every part be it a good part or a bad part to attack!

Today-- being several days from treatment, I'm exhausted and the incisions from the hysterectomy (4-22) feel raw and freshly cut on the inside? somewhat healed on the outside?

My hair is still on? wondering when it'll come falling out?

My strength is Jesus' name... I couldn't do it without calling out to him and finding the peace only He can give.

I've never cried so much in all my life... unfortunately haven't had a day without it... being sent into menopause in about 5 minutes, the hot flashes are really quite bizarre and make me feel on fire! the emotions fluxuate wildly.

I'm praying for a bubble of grace to protect my kids-- each one of them-- as they see me suffer and melt down so much. Each respond differently to me. My constant rock - my hubs- is the best and calm me down-I pray for his strength to keep up-oh how I love him.

I wonder why the summer 2011 has this journey laid out? Will we ever feel 'normal' again?

I wonder why ALL of this right after bringing our Samson Jude home?

He lost his birth mother... makes me wonder if he'll lose me too?

I must choose:

panic or peace

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you." Jn 14 27

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

ports and things

the 'port' is in ... making the access easier for each chemo treatment... I'm scheduled 6 -- one every 3 weeks-- First one tomorrow in Nashville... I'm a bit scared --I guess the unknown? Thank you for your prayers

Gabe is still in the hospital (here in Columbia) and they won't let me visit him because of the 'germ' issue... makes me sad... but we do chat on the phone... He has to stay one more day as a precaution as he had so much inflamation around the 'now removed' appendix.... He sounds good...wish I could see him...

This journey is really 'growing' our family in so many ways. We are learning to trust and lean on Jesus even more... we also have to watch our tone and words as we all seem on 'edge'--just to be honest with ya!

I did sew if you can believe it? it helped to detour my mind a bit... not sure when I'll get them posted just 2 dresses so far... will probably do them as an auction... maybe I'll hit a 'new normal' during these chemo weeks? Funny how ya think you're done fund-raising ?!... as the Lord provided such wonderful POPPY DIP supporters that helped us to bring home our little Samson Jude!!... and then I thought I'd continue to sew for the 'post adoption' costs and with intentions of being able to help others on their journey of adoption.... never dreaming cancer-unexpected costs would come into life...

Please pray for my first treatment on Thursday... and thank you so much as the journey of life continues with it's new twists and turns...

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

and now this?!!

our Gabe was off to his first summer church camp... called home...not feeling well.......
long story short...
in the hospital having his apendix taken out... while I'm at home not allowed to visit my boy as I'm scheduled to have the port put in tomorrow..and then on Thursday start chemo.........
not sure how much more this family can take?

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Rejoice in the Lord and be glad...

Our little Samson Jude is such a blessing in our family and his smile can make sunshine appear when the storm seems so dark. He is very gentle with me and will even join in with tears at times or just reach out and hold my hand.

Thank you Lord for giving us tender-funny-compassionate-little SJ and for bringing him into our family at just the right time.

My Hubs and all of the kids are doing great in supporting such a blubbering 'mama'...

The roller coaster of life's emotions right now is unbelievable (for me mostly)... I'm VERY thankful for all of you who are praying-- and have sent cards...

I keep them in a bag and read- and re-read them often...

I even sat down to sew a tiny bit... so maybe a 'scrappy' auction will come soon :)

since the surgery my eyesite has really changed! so I have a couple pair of those cute reading glasses now!!

update on the medical of my life...

I am having a port put in on Wednesday... and then my first chemo treatment on Thursday...

I am scared,

but trying to put His truth in place of my fear.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart..."

Monday, May 23, 2011

Cancer is not Poppy Dip!

.... if you remember May 1, 2009 'Poppy Dip' emerged.. on my 39th birthday...poppy dip meaning 'all is good' words from our little Solomon

Oh how life has changed

May 1, 2011 (my 41st birthday) I was in a hospital bed hearing news that turned life up-side-down.

"I was wrong... the tumor was cancerous... it had 'popped'/was leaking... therefore we must take every precaucion to get any cancer cell lingering in her body,"Doctor said / told Montie midway through surgery.

We brought home our little Samson Jude at the end of Februrary-a long adoption journey from Ethiopia...we set into the adjusting having our new little guy in home...I didn't really think too much of the 'belly issues' I seemed to be having (dealt with IBS issues my whole life).... but for some odd reason the pain seemed to be getting worse?... So long story short... I had surgery to remove all girlie parts and the tumor that the doctor had assured me was 99.9% NOT cancer. I was sent home to deal with life and knowing I would start chemo therapy as soon as I healed from the surgery... dealing without a hormome in my body... Most women have time to slip into menopause /or are given hormone therapy after a hysterectomy.... but due to my cancer (Clear Cell Cancer) I cannot be given any type of hormone until after chemo... so I'm crying of the time... never was much of a 'cryer' so this is bizzare...

I had a set-back less than a week from surgery, as the pain was unbearable... so back to the hospital to get things under control.will spare you the details.. I was there 5 more days......

Now, most days I'm crying and in my bed.. I do get up some...Many have sent cards - food- encouraging words... and I thank you all.

My Doctor is suppose to let me know when the chemo will start (soon I think)... I'm trying to understand the medical part of all of this and the reality of this being my life and the dynamics it is having in/on our home.... It's very hard ...
I covet your prayers...

I've had a couple moments of feeling so good to think I might even sew a little poppy dip - as that is such therapy for me.... but it hasn't happened yet.

I do believe with all my heart that the Lord is holding my life in His hands... I don't understand a lot and wish I knew some 'why's....

so I'll try to update as I can ... and maybe offer a poppy dip auction surprise every now and then... but no promises.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

another update

This is another update from Madison...

I just got off the phone with Mom... she's back in the hospital. Had complications & the doctors are doing their best to find the cause of the unexplained pain. She'll come home as soon as she can.

Friday, April 22, 2011

an update

This is Madison, Sallee's daughter, updating on today....
Mom had the surgery done at midday, it went well. The tumors were removed successfully by 'robotics'. But they are starting Mom on chemo therapy soon to rid any possibility of remaining cancer. I write this with a heavy heart, I'm scared for her, I hurt for her. But she is strong willed and I know she'll fight this out.
Thank you for praying, and if you will continue to pray for her through this-- that she will be strengthened & comforted by God's love in the journey ahead. And that we will always have on our hearts, the reminder that God is in control of everything-everywhere-at all times.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Praise God...keep praying!

... had my appt. yesterday and we are thankful ...

...chance of cancer is 5-10% (much lower than what we were told last week)!! Praise God!!

...my surgery will be April 22nd...

...praying that the doctor will be able to remove the tumor/parts by 'robotics--laparoscopic' as it is less invasive.. hopsital stay is less.. recovery time is less.... But the doctor will not determine this until he can 'see'

...praying for each family member as I cope with pain and recovery and not being able to pick up and carry my little ones!!

THANK YOU for all your prayers and encouragement...